As everyone who talks to my mom about me already knows, I am already very close to perfect, so coming up with New Year’s resolutions was tricky. I came up with several for Atlas (NO opossums) and Rico (enough with the barking), but as I reflect back on my year and look forward, here are the things I think I can resolve to do:
- Be very handsome
- Enjoy walks with my mom
- Be patient and play with At-hat
- Ignore Rico when he does growly face at me (it’s sort of funny)
I think it would be a good thing, but I cannot promise to:
- Learn a little about how to do agility — maybe even compete
- Work on staying in the ring at an actual obedience trial, not just when we practice, even if there are girls there
- Calmly take plastic bottles to crunch and stop crunching them when mom says to
- Gently take treats out of people’s hands
- Not have to be dragged to the grooming table. It is AGONY (as noted earlier in my blog), but I will try
- Keep my blog going so I do not disappoint my fans (mom says I have some).
What I’d like best of all is if I could have a real girlfriend. Mom says I would have to rely on a matchmaker like Amy at Hickory Bernese Mountain Dogs, but that seems old fashioned. Mom assures me it is for the best, and I trust her (even if there are MANY nice smelling girls out there).
Other than that, I plan to spend 2014 the way I spent 2013, being adored.
I heard Mozzie and Rico talking about making New Year’s revolutions, so I thought I should make some as well. I usually do make three revolutions before I settle down on the dog bed. I also make revolutions around the back yard nearly every day.
Hang on….OH, OK, Mozzie says I misunderstood. I think I understand now. I sure hope the opossums don’t have a revolution against me just because I ate a few of them. I could help lead a revolution to get more bully sticks or at least get them on weekends, not just weekdays.
Hang on…WHAT?!? Rico says it’s New Year’s resolutions, not revolutions. Ummm, well, that’s different. I will do my best not to bring any more opossums into the house. I will try not to hoard the toys so that no one else can have them. I will not eat any more watches this year (unless dad leaves his on the end table again). I will do better at taking treats gently so that mom doesn’t lose any fingers. I won’t drool on the dog food container any more (or any less). I will stay cute and fluffy, and I will seek to get as many belly rubs as I possibly can.
Today I was hanging out with my mom and Skyping with friends. Of course Rico avoided any contact with another person, even one on Skype, so he left the room.
I was busy getting admired and being told how handsome I am when Atlas video-bombed me. What the heck? Mom shooed him away, but a few minutes later, my friend Pepper, a toy Poodle (just to be clear, Pepper is NOT a toy — he is a Poodle who I think accidentally got run through the dryer), was talking to me when Atlas AGAIN decided to jump in to say hello. That was bad enough, but then he was busy looking at the screen and sniffing. Pepper was a little freaked out, I have to say. I mean on Skype and only knowing that Atlas can kill, he can look pretty intimidating.
Pepper was talking to me, but Atlas kept looking confused about where Pepper was. He looked behind the laptop and couldn’t find him. He seemed very confused. Kids! I tried to explain how Skype works because eventually Atlas might actually want to use it and even use pee-mail, but I think he’s just a very low-tech kid.
I wonder if I should get a video of an opossum to see how Atlas handles that. I guess I better not because mom would be unhappy if Atlas tried to kill her laptop.
I checked my pee-mail today, and I was beginning to think that maybe we had some sort of network problem because there was hardly any there.
I did all the usual things….I re-set my router. Mom and I were going down a path we usually follow, but we turned around and went a different way. No luck.
I checked the Woo-fi connection. Rico is in charge of this, and he has not had any issues keeping the Woo-fi going.
I checked to see if anything had been misplaced in the junk or spam area, but it looks like the garbage workers emptied that.
I know we had a little server issue yesterday when dad was late getting home and did not serve dinner at the right time, but that has been corrected.
I asked mom, and she said that perhaps my friends are busy with their families and don’t have time for pee-mail. Just in case, I left extra messages today. No wonder I’m thirsty!
I can’t even find any new opossums, but my parents went out to find a WOLF! I’m not sure where Wall Street is, but my parents went there to find a wolf. Apparently, they wanted to see him at an “early showing.” They were gone for over 20 hours (in dog years), and I thought for sure they’d bring him home for me to see, but no.
Instead, they came home and talked all about how much they thought The Wolf of Wall Street was fantastic. Really, they went on and on about how amazing Leo was as the wolf. They must have spent a long time visiting with the wolf to find out what his first name is. I was pretty confused because I thought Leo was a lion, not a wolf.
Mom liked the wolf so much I heard her talking to her friends about Leo the wolf and how they should go see him, too. But why can’t *I* go see Leo the wolf? I wonder if my parents think he’d hurt me or something. I’m pretty sure I could win him over. After all, I’m a likeable guy.
I wonder if this Leo guy is friends with Peter. I’m pretty sure I remember my mom talking about liking Peter and the wolf long before she knew the wolf’s name was Leo.
I wonder if opossums have names, too. I’ll have to ask the next one before I kill him.
Yesterday, my brothers were very busy squeaking their new toys and keeping me awake. It can be tiring being the oldest and supervising the kids.
I’m also still in a bully stick coma from yesterday’s treat. I know it’s hard to believe, but Atlas, Killer, finished his bully stick first and wanted to take mine. No way, possum-killer, no way! Don’t make me get out my snarly face.
I like to rest up next to dad on the sofa. Atlas also likes to cuddle up next to dad, and he likes to hog that prime real estate. I sometimes pretend there’s someone at the door to fake him out just so I can get on the sofa. Even then, sometimes if I’m not paying attention, that kid will just climb right over and on me to get to dad. As a result, I’ve had to learn to be vigilant while also getting petted and resting. I’ve developed my new pose which allows me to do all of that. While I know mom thought it looked terribly uncomfortable, I actually like it. I think I’ll have to trademark it as the “Ricola Freakola Peekola.”
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even an opossum. Sigh! I better get to sleep so Santa can come. I hope Rico doesn’t scare him off with his barking!
Mom and dad dragged took us out tonight. I was really hoping to go for a walk, but we got in the car and drove around instead. We didn’t go anywhere scary (with needles or white coats) or fun (with snow or GIRLS), but it was different. We stopped at this one place because they had lots of Christmas lights that flashed around while music played on the car stereo. I had mom take a video. I don’t really understand how that works, but it was kind of interesting, and at least I got to go out with mom and dad! Supervising the At-hat was hard work, as usual, but it was worth it. Mom promised we could WALK and look at lights tomorrow or the next day, and THAT would be fun.
Yes, we did get to go! I was thinking we were going to look for opossums since it was dark, and I was pretty excited about that. I told Mozzie, but he said I was an idiot because mom and dad do NOT like opossums at all. Anyway, we got to this one cool house where there was music in the car and the lights were moving like MAGIC! It was great, and I watched out the window while Mozzie rolled his eyes at me when I asked if they had a light up opossum. Whatever. Eventually I got pretty tired and rested my head on the window, and I was super tired when we got home. Hopefully dad can drive me around to see the lights in the neighborhood when Moz and mom go walk to see them. My way is faster.
I really enjoy going on walks with my mom, but recently we’ve been seeing all kinds of new trees in people’s yards. Why is this curious? Well, I understand that I’m allowed to check my pee-mail on outside trees, like in the park and on the greenbelt, but I am not allowed to do that on people’s indoor trees, like Christmas trees.
So why can’t I send pee-mail on people’s new puffy trees since they are outside? There is something wrong with these trees. They smell funny, and they make noise some of the time. Other times, they are very quiet and seem sort of depressed like the melting witch in The Wizard of Oz. I’d even say they seem deflated. Every single time I want to get closer to one of them, mom tells me “leave,” which means I was about to get to something good, but there’s some rule against Mozzie having it. These trees are like that.
The next thing I saw on today’s walk was Santa! He was sitting in someone’s yard waving at me. I figured it was my chance to go see him; after all, he did wave. Mom said I was not allowed to go see him. Do you think Santa got my list? You don’t think mom wouldn’t let me see him because she thought I was BAD, do you? I noticed he was still sitting there in the exact same spot when we walked by on the way home. Doesn’t he have work to do? Do you think all of his elves will unionize if he keeps making them do all the work while he sits in someone’s yard all day? Who’s keeping an eye on the reindeer? Who keeps Blitzen from bullying Rudolph? Do they play reindeer games when Santa is away? I wonder if they play Scrabble or Monopoly. I wonder if they like to crunch on plastic water bottles like I do. What if they are crunching on MY plastic bottles while Santa is hanging out in California? Just the thought of that is making me feel like one of those new funky trees when it isn’t making noise.