Category Archives: Ricola’s Rants

Cheeseburger in Paradise

Atlas:  I really liked that In and Out Cheeseburger I got yesterday.

Mozzie:  They make the best burgers.  Once I even got a double-double when I finished one of my titles.

Rico:  And you can thank me for yesterday’s treat!

Atlas:  Why?

Mozzie:  Because yesterday was Rico’s 9.5 birthday.

Rico:  That’s right.  You both benefitted from my birthday.

Atlas:  How come you get stuff for your half-birthday?

Mozzie:  Because he’s a senior.

Rico:  I’m Dad’s age in dog years.

Atlas:  THAT old?!?!  Do you think we can celebrate my half-birthday?

Mozzie:  After you turn 9.

Rico:  Mom said we could celebrate my quarter-birthdays after I turn   10.

Atlas:  Do you think we can get “animal style” cheeseburgers next week for my fifth birthday?  And maybe some fries?

Mozzie:  Don’t push your luck, short stack.  Fries are reserved for earning a title or getting to double digits.

Rico:  “Animal style” is not good for us.  It has too many things we can’t eat, including onions.

Atlas:  It’s confusing that it’s called “animal style,” but we can’t have it.  Do you think if we played that song, “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” we could subliminally get Mom and Dad to go to In and Out more often?

Mozzie:  I like that song.

Rico:  And the singer’s name is Jimmy Buffett.  It’s like a double subliminal clue.

Atlas:  I’ll ask Alexa to play it on repeat.

Weak From Hunger

Atlas:  Why do you think Dad tries to starve us?

Mozzie:  He doesn’t try to starve us.

Rico:  At least Mom remembers to give us bully sticks in the morning so that we can avoid starvation before breakfast.

Atlas:  Do you think Dad can’t tell time?

Mozzie:  He can tell time.  Sometimes he just doesn’t think it’s time to feed us.

Rico:  He’s a human.  They do make mistakes.

Atlas:  Don’t you think when I’m collapsing from lack of food (like in the photo above) that should be enough?

Mozzie:  Hmmm.  How can we tell when you are lacking food and when you are in need of petting?

Rico:  He only needs food twice a day.  He needs petting if he’s awake.

Atlas:  Do you think I could train Dad to pet me while I eat?

Torture in Motion?

Atlas:  Did you guys hear that Mom and Dad are thinking about buying a torture device for us?

Mozzie:  They would never torture us.

Rico:  Well, they did refuse to disable smoke detectors, and we know they beep sometimes, or worse, screech out “fire, fire, fire!”

Atlas:  That’s not really torture.

Rico:  Speak for yourself.

Mozzie:  Are you talking about that Roomba/Shark Ion thing?

Atlas: WHAT?!?  I hadn’t heard they were considering buying a shark.  That’s even worse than torture.

Rico:  It’s not that kind of shark.

Mozzie:  No, Roombas and Shark Ions are self-propelled vacuums.

Atlas:  So we aren’t getting a shark?

Mozzie:  We might.  But we might get a Roomba.

Rico:  I have to agree with Atlas on this one.  A vacuum cleaner that can run by itself would definitely be a torture device.

Atlas: See!  I told you!

Mozzie:  It would give them more time to pet you.

Atlas:  How fast can it get here?

Meeting The Goat

Atlas:  Mozzie, I heard you met a goat at the wine event for Satyre.

Rico:  He didn’t say he met a goat.  He said he met The Goat.

Mozzie:  That’s right.  I met him first thing when we arrived.  He was the first one I met when I got out of the car.

Atlas:  Did he smell funny?  I heard goats smell funny.

Rico:  Where did you hear that?

Mozzie:  He didn’t smell funny.  He was wearing a cool hat.

Atlas:  Wait.  I didn’t know goats wore hats.

Rico:  Goats don’t wear hats.  The Goat wears a hat.

Mozzie:  And he was nice to me.  He even pet me.

Atlas:  What??  You let a goat pet you?  With his hooves?

Rico:  He doesn’t have hooves.

Mozzie:  Nope.  A hat, but no hooves.

Atlas:  What happened to his hooves?

Rico:  He never had hooves.

Mozzie:  The Goat doesn’t need hooves.

Atlas:  What does he walk on?

Rico:  His feet.

Mozzie:  He was wearing shoes.

Atlas:  But…what?  A goat was wearing a hat and shoes?  Are you sure you didn’t do more than just sniff that wine?

Rico:  It wasn’t A goat.  It was THE goat.

Mozzie:  As in the girl and the goat, like they talk about on the Satyre website.

Atlas:  You mean the goat is a person?  Like Nicole?

Rico:  Kind of like that.

Mozzie:  Yes.  His name is Ted.

Atlas:  OK.  I feel better that you didn’t let a goat pet you with his hooves.

Rico:  I’m glad we cleared that up for you.

Mozzie:  I still like Nicole more.  She was the one who invited me.

Going to Jail


Atlas:  Hey, Mozzie, I heard our blog was back.

Mozzie:  You mean my blog?

Rico:  The blog.

Atlas:  So is it back?

Mozzie:  Yes.

Rico:  Are you going to talk about why you have to go to jail?

Atlas:  I have been wondering.

Mozzie:  I’m not really sure what happened.  I’m still Mom’s favorite, but she got that whole new jail thing for the back of her car.

Atlas:  I saw it!  It even has bars.

Rico:  And not the wine kind.

Mozzie:  Mom says it’s a Variocage, but I don’t know if that’s some foreign word for jail.

Atlas:  I know it’s not English.

Rico:  Right, Atlas, you’re an expert on English.

Mozzie:  Mom says it’s a super safe way for me to travel.  It has a crumple zone, just like a car.

Atlas:  So she could have bought you a car, but she bought you a jail?

Rico:  I think it was pretty close in terms of cost.

Atlas:  It better not mean fewer treats for me.

Mozzie:  It wasn’t as expensive as a car.  It’s just supposed to keep me super safe when we go places.

Atlas:  Are you sure that isn’t just what Mom is telling you?  You know, like ‘grooming is important’?

Rico:  Mom isn’t a liar.

Mozzie:  I guess if it makes Mom happy, I’ll go to Variocage jail.

Rico:  Better you than me!



Puppuccino at Dutch Brothers

Atlas:  I love going to Dutch Brothers!

Mozzie:  I do, too, as long as I don’t have to be in dad’s car with you, seat hog.

Rico:  I don’t ever need to go, but I like it when you bring stuff back for me.

Atlas:  I really don’t like sharing.  I tried to get Mom to give me both of the puppuccinos today, but she said no.

Mozzie:  They specifically told Mom that one of them was for me and that they missed seeing me.

Rico:  I’ve never met them, but I know they would want me to get some.

Atlas:  I don’t mind sharing the whipped cream on the bottom of the cup.

Mozzie:  You mean the part that you are too lazy to lick out?

Rico:  I can get my whole face in there and reach the bottom!

Atlas:  See how generous I am?

Mozzie:  That you’ll share stuff you can have?

Rico:  I’ll take what I can get.

Tree Down

Mozzie:  It was nice to get a break from the crazy weather today.

Rico:  I know.  I didn’t even have to take my medication today to deal with thunderstorms.

Atlas:  I got to go to Dutch Brothers and keep my head out in line since it wasn’t raining.

Mozzie:  It’s too bad that so many people had storm damage.  We were lucky.  On the upside of things, I got to pee on the very top of a tree instead of just on the trunk!

Rico:  Was it a sapling?

Atlas:  Are you using #alternativefacts?

Mozzie:  No, it really was the top of the tree.  It had blown down during the storms.

Rico:  Is that you in the photo near the middle of the tree?

Atlas:  Did you check for possums?

Mozzie:  Yes, that’s me in the photo with the tree.  Sorry, Atlas, no possums.  I’ll check again next time Mom and I walk by there.  You’ll have to stick with biscuits from Dutch Brothers for a bit longer.


Odyssey Recall

Mozzie:  Did you hear that Mom’s Odyssey has been recalled and has to go back to the dealership for repairs?

Rico:  I’ve been telling you that getting in the car is dangerous.

Atlas:  Is it being recalled because it’s so hard for people at drive-thoughs to reach in the back and give me biscuits?

Mozzie:  No.  Mom said it was something about a bracket that holds in the second row seats being defective.

Rico:  That’s really bad.  I try to hide under there.  It’s not safe anywhere outside the house!

Atlas:  Do you know if they have dog biscuits at the dealership where the repairs will be done?

Mozzie:  I don’t know.

Rico:  No biscuit is worth endangering your life.

Atlas:  I’m not going if there aren’t biscuits or at least people to pet me.

Mozzie:  I think people will be too busy to pet you.

Rico:  You’re annoying, but I don’t want you injured, so you should stay home.

Atlas:  I guess I’ll stay home and rest up.  I need to be ready for my next run to Dutch Brothers.  THEY have biscuits and petters.




Mozzie:  Wow!  It is super windy out there tonight!

Atlas:  Is that what that whistling sound is?

Rico:  Is it safe to come out yet?

Mozzie:  Yes, Mom said that the wind is blowing at 50 miles per hour according to the local news.

Atlas:  I better stay inside.  I don’t want my fur to fly off.

Rico:  That must be why we lost power.  That is so scary.  I’m minding my own business, and suddenly the lights went off, and there was no sound inside to cover up the sound of the scary wind.

Mozzie:  The power is back on now, so you are all set Rico.

Atlas:  Just to be safe though, I’m not going out there unless I hear a possum that needs my attention.

Rico:  Remember the rules!  You can’t ever bring a possum into the house again.

Mozzie:  That’s right!  Once was enough.

Atlas:  But we wouldn’t want one to blow away when I could get him instead.

Rico:  Mom might boycott petting you for a whole day if you bring in another possum.

Mozzie: Don’t do it!

Atlas:  I can’t risk losing petting time.  I’ll stay inside until the wind dies down.

Rico:  You can join me hiding in the bathroom.

Mozzie:  Or just take a nap.

Atlas:  I’ll take a nap.  And dream of possums.

What’s in a Name?

Rico:  Did you see that Mom posted  our pictures on Facebook along with how she picked our names?

Atlas:  Yes.  That was cool!  I didn’t know you were named after a cough drop.

Mozzie:  Mom thought that would be funny calling you back…Ri-co-la.  Dad thought it was too silly, so he wanted Rico.  Apparently Dad sang that Barry Manilow song, “His name was Rico….” and Mom agreed to call you Rico, but have your actual name be Ricola.

Rico:  There are worse things.  Apparently Dad wanted to call me Englebert, so Rico is a great name compared to what I could have been called.

Atlas:  I came pre-named by Amy, but I think my name suits me.

Mozzie:  I agree.  You are a sturdy guy.

Rico:  At least no one mispronounces our names.

Atlas:  I heard they often mispronounce Mozzie.

Mozzie:  It’s not good either.  At agility trials, they sometimes call me Mosey.  Mom said it’s not good to call me Mosey when I’m supposed to move fast, so she corrects them.

Rico:  If they call you Mozzie instead, do you actually move faster?

Atlas:  I think he moves fastest when he hears the bully stick bag open, regardless of what you call him.

Mozzie:  Call me anything but late for dinner!