Category Archives: Atlas’ Attitude

Dog Leotards

Mozzie:  Did you guys hear about the new craze for dog leotards?

Rico:  Is this a joke?

Atlas:  What is that?

Mozzie:  It’s like a body suit that covers everything except your paws, head, and tail.

Rico:  Why would I want that?

Atlas:  It sounds really hot and not in an “I’m too sexy for my fur” way.

Mozzie:  It’s supposed to cut down on the need to clean up fur that we shed.

Rico:  But wouldn’t it just end up on the inside of the washer and dryer and then all over people’s clothes?

Atlas:  It seems like they are just adding a step to get the fur on their clothes when the could do it directly instead.

Mozzie:  You guys need to see how ridiculous dogs look in leotards.

Rico:  I’m pretty sure that’s why dogs bite people.

Atlas:  What if I need to go “hurry” and I’m wearing that thing?  Wouldn’t they have to take it off every time?

Mozzie:  Good point, fuzzy butt.

Rico:  It could be a Halloween costume.

Atlas:  I think it comes in purple.

Mozzie:  If people are worried about dog fur, they shouldn’t have dogs.  Just get a fish or a plant.

Rico:  Preach it, Mozzie!

Atlas:  What if they just sent us the money instead, and we could get more cookies and maybe hire a petter for the hours Mom and Dad are sleeping?


Super Bowl Sunday?

Mozzie:  I love Super Bowl Sunday!

Rico:  Me, too!  The snacks are amazing!

Atlas:  Can you believe we all three got pupaccinos today?

Mozzie:  I think the lamb shanks were even better!

Rico:  Yum!

Atlas:  I have a question.

Mozzie:  Ask away, short stack.

Rico:  I’m sitting down.

Atlas:  Is it Super Bone Sunday or Super Bowl Sunday?

Mozzie:  Yes.

No Clique-ing

Mozzie:  There are so many benefits to being us.

Atlas:  Like getting petted.

Rico:  And not having to go to work.

Mozzie:  I think one of the best things is that we don’t have to deal with cliques.

Atlas:  You usually get a treat right after the click.

Rico:  That’s a different thing.  That’s from a clicker.  A clique is completely different.

Mozzie:  Yes, it’s an unfortunate thing that humans create.

Atlas:  How do they work?

Rico:  Well, some people become friends, and then they don’t let other people also be their friends and/or they judge and are mean to people who aren’t in their inner circle.

Mozzie:  Mom really hates cliques.

Atlas:  Is that kind of like those obedience people who whisper, sometimes pretty loudly, about how they think that positive only training is dumb and how they’d train us differently?

Rico:  Yes.  Or people who get all snooty because they think their dog is better than us because some judge liked their dog better that day.

Mozzie:  I saw how some people treated Mom at the Specialty or ignored her when she said hi, and it made me sad.

Atlas:  Is that why she’s thinking of dropping out of the Bernese Mountain Dog Club of America and the Bernese Mountain Dog Club of Northern California?

Rico:  Yes.  She loves us, but she says it reminds her of high school.

Mozzie:  And she really didn’t like high school.

Atlas:  I’m glad we don’t have a clique.

Rico:  Me, too!

Mozzie:  Humans aren’t as nice as dogs are.



Atlas:  What’s wrong with Mom’s wrist?

Mozzie:  She either has severe tendonitis or a tear in the tendon that that attaches her pinky to her hand and wrist.

Rico:  It’s a good thing Mom went to the doctor today so she could get the brace for her wrist.

Atlas:  I don’t know what a tendon is, but I can see that Mom has her fingers and thumb still exposed.

Mozzie:  Yes.  The tendon is down in her wrist below her palm.

Rico:  The doctor said she’s hoping this will work and get things healed.  Mom has to let the doctor know in two weeks if it’s helping.

Atlas:  Did the doctor say anything about restrictions on petting?

Mozzie:  I think she said Mom could only pet dogs who were 24″ or more at the withers.

Rico:  I think that’s right.

Atlas:  I don’t understand what that would have to do with it.

Mozzie:  You are really gullible.

Rico:  Yes, he is!

Atlas:  Is that a good thing?  If I’m gullible can Mom pet me even if I’m short?


Rico:  Did you hear that Mom is supposed to be doing something for work where she asks people who know her to provide input about her strengths?

Mozzie:  Yes.  She’s not super gung-ho about asking people to provide her feedback.

Atlas:  I could give her a list.

Rico:  I think we all could, but she didn’t ask us.

Mozzie:  Mom’s like that.  She gets uncomfortable when people say nice things, and asking them to say nice things is even harder for her. She’s not like me.  I mean, really, when I stand there, people are going to just tell me how handsome and amazing I am, so I’m used to it.

Atlas:  Same here.  I am super popular at Dutch Brothers, and I even have friends who make me pupuccinos with extra sprinkles and extra whipped cream and bones.  They say I’m the cutest, fluffiest dog ever.

Rico:  People tell me I’m brave and have come a long way since I was rescued from that puppy mill.

Mozzie:  Mom’s got some strengths, too.  She can read my mind.  When I look at her, she knows if I want a treat, some petting, or a walk.

Atlas:  And she tells me I’m cute.

Rico:  That’s about you, not Mom.

Mozzie:  She does know how to treat each of us differently, so that we all feel special.  I think that’s a strength.

Atlas:  She has strong hands, so I can feel her pet me even with all my fur.

Rico:  That’s about you, again.  Try this:  Mom knows how to help me feel safe even when it’s super scary like New Year’s Eve or July 4th.  She even got me some drugs to help me cope.  Looking out for our well-being is a strength.

Mozzie:  Yes!  And she cares more about our happiness than anything.  I don’t ever have to pull a cart if I don’t want to.  I know Mom would like that, but she knows it scares me, so she doesn’t make me do it.

Atlas:  I think I understand now.  Mom knows where to order the best treats!

Rico:  That’s more like it, At-hat.

Mozzie:  We all know she’s awesome.  I think it’s mostly at work where people keep it a secret.  Maybe that’s why they have to do this activity.  I’ll be sure she adds our items to her strengths list.


Atlas:  Did you hear Mom talking about exchanging one of us?

Mozzie:  She’s not going to exchange one of us.

Rico:  For sure Mozzie isn’t going anywhere.

Atlas:  I’m pretty sure I heard Mom talking about an exchange with other Berner people.

Mozzie:  That’s a gift exchange, not a dog exchange.

Rico:  It’s a secret Santa thing.

Atlas:  Santa’s not a secret, AND I heard her talking about puppy names.

Mozzie:  That’s a whole separate issue.

Rico:  She does have a gift for naming puppies.

Atlas:  That isn’t helping me feel better.

Mozzie:  She’s not exchanging any of us.  She loves us all.

Rico:  There’s no reason to exchange us.  She has the best.

Atlas:  So you’re sure she’s not going to trade us in?

Mozzie:  Have you ever heard her talk about this accounting thing called LIFO?  It means the last thing in is the first thing out.

Rico:  I was here first.

Atlas:  But….wait.  I’m the youngest.

Mozzie:  We are kidding short stack.  We love you, even if you are a petting hog.


Atlas:  What’s a tradition?

Mozzie:  It’s something you do the same basic way over and over.

Rico:  Usually  it’s based on time.

Atlas:  So is eating a tradition?  We do that twice a day at about the same time each day.

Mozzie:  No.  That’s a routine.

Rico:  Good thing.  If eating were only a tradition, we’d starve.

Atlas:  So what’s the difference?

Mozzie:  A tradition is more like something parents pass on to their kids.

Rico:  Routines are things you do regularly, like daily.

Atlas:  Are they supposed to be fun?

Mozzie:  Usually.

Atlas:  So going to the vet isn’t a tradition?

Rico:  No.  That’s routine.

Atlas:  Now I’m really confused.

Mozzie:  My extra long walk with Mom every year on Thanksgiving is a tradition.

Rico:  Exactly!

Atlas:  But you said they were supposed to be fun.

Mozzie:  It was!

Atlas:  But you walked nearly 30 miles.

Rico:  They did not!

Atlas:  In dog miles, it was!

Mozzie:  We count it in human miles.

Atlas:  Is that part of the tradition?

Rico:  Yes.  It’s also just normal.

Atlas:  But that’s still not fun.

Mozzie:  It is for me and Mom.

Atlas:  This is still confusing.

Rico:  How about this — you know how you always get roasted carrots on Thanksgiving?

Atlas:  Yes.

Mozzie:  That’s a tradition.

Atlas:  But that’s a fun one!

Mozzie:  Not all traditions involve food.

Atlas:  The good ones do.

Rico:  You are so predictable.


Cheeseburger in Paradise

Atlas:  I really liked that In and Out Cheeseburger I got yesterday.

Mozzie:  They make the best burgers.  Once I even got a double-double when I finished one of my titles.

Rico:  And you can thank me for yesterday’s treat!

Atlas:  Why?

Mozzie:  Because yesterday was Rico’s 9.5 birthday.

Rico:  That’s right.  You both benefitted from my birthday.

Atlas:  How come you get stuff for your half-birthday?

Mozzie:  Because he’s a senior.

Rico:  I’m Dad’s age in dog years.

Atlas:  THAT old?!?!  Do you think we can celebrate my half-birthday?

Mozzie:  After you turn 9.

Rico:  Mom said we could celebrate my quarter-birthdays after I turn   10.

Atlas:  Do you think we can get “animal style” cheeseburgers next week for my fifth birthday?  And maybe some fries?

Mozzie:  Don’t push your luck, short stack.  Fries are reserved for earning a title or getting to double digits.

Rico:  “Animal style” is not good for us.  It has too many things we can’t eat, including onions.

Atlas:  It’s confusing that it’s called “animal style,” but we can’t have it.  Do you think if we played that song, “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” we could subliminally get Mom and Dad to go to In and Out more often?

Mozzie:  I like that song.

Rico:  And the singer’s name is Jimmy Buffett.  It’s like a double subliminal clue.

Atlas:  I’ll ask Alexa to play it on repeat.

Weak From Hunger

Atlas:  Why do you think Dad tries to starve us?

Mozzie:  He doesn’t try to starve us.

Rico:  At least Mom remembers to give us bully sticks in the morning so that we can avoid starvation before breakfast.

Atlas:  Do you think Dad can’t tell time?

Mozzie:  He can tell time.  Sometimes he just doesn’t think it’s time to feed us.

Rico:  He’s a human.  They do make mistakes.

Atlas:  Don’t you think when I’m collapsing from lack of food (like in the photo above) that should be enough?

Mozzie:  Hmmm.  How can we tell when you are lacking food and when you are in need of petting?

Rico:  He only needs food twice a day.  He needs petting if he’s awake.

Atlas:  Do you think I could train Dad to pet me while I eat?

Torture in Motion?

Atlas:  Did you guys hear that Mom and Dad are thinking about buying a torture device for us?

Mozzie:  They would never torture us.

Rico:  Well, they did refuse to disable smoke detectors, and we know they beep sometimes, or worse, screech out “fire, fire, fire!”

Atlas:  That’s not really torture.

Rico:  Speak for yourself.

Mozzie:  Are you talking about that Roomba/Shark Ion thing?

Atlas: WHAT?!?  I hadn’t heard they were considering buying a shark.  That’s even worse than torture.

Rico:  It’s not that kind of shark.

Mozzie:  No, Roombas and Shark Ions are self-propelled vacuums.

Atlas:  So we aren’t getting a shark?

Mozzie:  We might.  But we might get a Roomba.

Rico:  I have to agree with Atlas on this one.  A vacuum cleaner that can run by itself would definitely be a torture device.

Atlas: See!  I told you!

Mozzie:  It would give them more time to pet you.

Atlas:  How fast can it get here?